Its middle of Feb and I am a bit late in writing this report. I will try to keep this as possible. Almost entirety of January I was focussed on making money and getting a job. I felt working on the side could generate necessary money that could be used in my startup plus I would be in touch with the core web technologies. When I finally got a job I thought was good for me and could probably change my life, I was disheartened by the work required for me to do. The work I was supposed to do, did not in any way improved my growth or could have made me a better technology person(at least in technologies I am willing to market myself in). Plus the pay wasn’t as good as the workload which left me no incentive to keep working. So I quit. My decision had nothing to do with the quality of people in that particular company. They were the best people I ever met. It’s just that I did not feel we had the same future.’
We all have past events that we wish we could forget but we just can’t. Some people try intoxication for same. There is even a sci-fi concept of erasing memories which have been shown in movies like “Eternal Sunshine of Spotless mind”.
Well, I remember vaguely how forcing myself to not copy from other people works was such an obstacle in my path of learning to program. My philosophy anything that I make would be completely mine. This lead me to a slow progress in learning to program. While learning a sorting algorithm I would try to implement everything from scratch just after reading the description. This although was a good exercise for a novice programmer, it was quite slow taking into consideration the depth of computer science as a whole. For someone who was learning programming to become an entrepreneur, this meant death. While others were getting well versed with latest technology I was wondering if I was the dumbest person on earth for being so slow. In a way, I was, as all I was doing was trying to reinvent the wheel.
As a child, I was intrigued by horoscopes. Knowing about the future before it happened seemed like something magical. While exploring more in this direction I bumped on zodiac signs and their characteristics. In one of my zodiac sign(Aries) characteristics were written that “one of the weaknesses we have is we take more than we can handle.”.
December started on a low note. Not too many contributions only and choosing to do lazy tasks instead. On the flipside I got following done.
I have been reading books since Class 9th although I used to read teen-fiction or mystery novels. The only reason I ever got into those books was because of a bit of sibling rivalry. My younger brother used to devour books since being born. He had a hunger for knowledge which my parents hoped I could also follow.
I have been doing the same thing for past 4 years. Watching tutorials and following them towards completion Although this technique is helpful in learning technology. I don’t think this is optimal and feasible everywhere. Its too slow. . No matter how many tutorials I watch the knowledge seem to be incomplete. If I want to get a prototype done for a pet project following this approach might take months at a time. As of today , a lot of people are discussing about blockchain and how it can be of importance to the world. I realised that somewhere down the line if I want to learn a new technology then the following tutorial and then working on my prototype is comparatively a slow process.
November is over and I had a great month. I joined Gamkedo club and have been continuously involved in the process of game development. Completed some awesome courses by Udemy then pixel art animation and music creation. Made 137 contributions in November and now I need to make 145 more contributions this month to reach 1000 commits on github. Well, I am doing everything that I always dreamed of doing and life couldn’t be better. Although yes I still need to figure out how to make a living and I think it is super important to me now. I love attending weekly meeting and being accountable to someone else has surely improved my productivity around 10 folds.
I feel like my external body is not my real body but just an exoskeleton. Helping me to do the tasks that my real body can’t to do. My real body seems to be inside me with same size as that of my external body but a different purpose. I had forgotten about my real body and up until now, i thought of my exoskeleton as my real body. I feel if I move my real body any part of it. My exoskeleton imitates it just like in sci fi movies.
I have been writing a lot lately and loving it.Well, I can’t help it, whenever I feel I have something happy to record or some breakthrough understanding I feel a genuine need to write.So here I am again
From the birth, we are taught to be humble and it is good thing to respect and treat others as equal. This was the case with me. Since a child I have believed that everyone knows something more than you and someone is always better than you, so respect it and don’t be arrogant/show off. I don’t know who put that thought into my head. Must have been some loser. This thought would made me a poor competitor and hence lead to a lot of issues I may need to resolve when I grew up.
2 years ago I had a serious depression.I did not feel like doing anything.I did not had a purpose in life and I didn’t knew where I was headed. My friend used to mock me “What’s the point of traveling when you don’t know where you are traveling to”. I felt till now I was following the crowd and going whichever location seemed most secure. Naive as I was. Months passed by and I still couldn’t find my purpose.I was feeling suffocated and finally, the point came When I could no longer live with myself.I had an ego death. The loss of self as Ekhart Tolle calls it. I made a list of things that would give me most happiness if achieved cause what’s the point of living if you are not happy. A child lives to be happy maybe that why he/she smiles better than most adults .I rearranged the list from easiest to achieve to most difficult to achieve and I went on checking them off one after another. I felt so happy with the result that I decided to always follow my heart no matter what . I was reborn and decided to never waste this beautiful life.
I had a weird experience last night. I was exhausted as I went to sleep and was asleep in a moment. I don’t know how long I was in unconscious state although what I remember is being rushed through space-time and seeing different colors. I was feeling suffocated . I knew this was a dream and I can break it. I have broken dreams multiple time with sheer will although it doesn’t seem to work at the moment.I am chanting the name of lord repetedly and still it doesn’t work. This is odd. I close my eyes (in dream) but the pain of rushing through the space is unbearable.
I don’t know why I get distracted away from my purpose. Probably because I love doing the small steps that take me to my purpose so much that I confuse them with purpose.
There is a popular saying “You are the average of 5 people you surround yourself with”. I always thought I surrounded myself with the right people. One day while going through some introspection I asked myself. What do I mean by right people? Everyone has a good and bad side. Everyone has strength and weakness.We can learn something from everyone so in a way everyone is the right person. So why am I not yet successful?
I decided to take a break to work on my skills after I graduated.I felt this was more important than running after a 9-5 job. My reasons also included getting on the path of entrepreneurship and a probable chance of going for higher education. It has been 6 months since then and a lot has happened both psychologically and physically.Although I still feel the time has gone by so fast I believe I gave my 100% in these 6 months despite eventual distractions.Here are some things I achieved.
Stay Hungry stay foolish. That is a statement people associate with Steve Jobs and his terrific commencement speech at Stanford. I couldn’t understand the meaning of this statement for long.What does it mean? Does it mean one has to always remain hungry to be successful and always take a foolish decision?Well, Einstein used to say contrary. Anyways my struggle to find the meaning of life and my role in it lead me to find the actual meaning.For those who are still struggling.
I got started with open source community with Hacktoberfest which is an event organized by Digital Ocean in collaboration with github. It was really great to contribute to so many interesting projects but it lead me to wonder why had I been procrastinating open source contribution up until now. So here are a couple of excuses I kept on making, that you could avoid.
I have been constantly contributing to github since i graduated. I wish I would have contributed to github in college although at that moment I was busy with things that I thought were more important to be at that moment. Some of them being developing my overall personality, learning to play guitar, fighting introvertness,anxiety,depression and other stupid disorders I developed because of my stupid actions of past. Well one of the reason that stopped me from contributing to open source was “I don’t know enough”. I was repeating the same affirmation and it was becoming a reality. Moreover my friend circle included people who were officially programmers but in reality were content with printing hello world.
Hello, this is my first post on my blog.I have made multiple attempts to blog and till now it’s not been a good experience.I thought writing as a way to earn and gain popularity.Naive as I was.I never understood the beauty of writing or sharing.There were many weakness that I possessed and in turn converted into strengths in the past 4 years.